Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

OMG. Speaking of porno names, Liz told me I should write a musical… so I’m writing Tangled the Porno Musical. We all just thought Tangled would also be a good name for a porn. Are you disgusted? So am I.

I have some James Fierce to talk about but FIRST. THE PICTURE:
Well, this eraser is called “Magic Rub”. And that really sucks for me, cuz now I am back to square one when it comes to the eternal question: What will they call me in the dirty films? Alas, it will have to be some slutty take off JimmyMarv. Go for it, guys.

Now, the discussion of James Fierce. I talked a little bit about it yesterday. But I need to write some more about it. Teague always told me I was James Fierce on a rough day. But um. JAMES FIERCE TOOK OVER MY BODY. I was going out to Plan B the other night with Stacy and Caity and MB and all of a sudden, I wasn’t myself. I started being super outgoing. Um. Yeah. Enough said right there. But I woke up the next day and I was like, …”WHO AM I?!?!” Do you know X-Men? Ok. James Fierce is similar to Jean Grey’s alter ego: The Phoenix. Like. THEY ARE TWINS. I am behaving totally uncharacteristic of myself. I was talking to my friend, Cody, about it and he said that perhaps it is a part of me that I have sequestered for too long and now it’s submerging full force. Well. That could be true. I don’t really have any other explanation. I think a big part of it was headshots. Something about having a good profile picture on Facebook multiplied my confidence by like 90 TRILLION! What the erf? I don’t really know, but you better watch out. OH. And things that usually hurt don’t hurt anymore. Well. Strangely, I haven’t had much of an appetite. So either James Fierce is anorexic or else I’m sad and I don’t know the reason yet. I must haves a sit-down with myself tomorrow and talk it out. “James Fierce, EAT SOMETHING OR YOU WILL RUN OUT OF FIERCE JUICE!” …fierce juice? OK, that’s.. wow, that’s disgusting.

I am living with reckless abandon.

Oh and I am way behind on my directing project, but I’m staying home all morning and afternoon tomorrow until I get it dones. Well. Not done. But caught up… that would be nice. But I don’t even care cuz I’m a senior!!!! BALJLEJRALEJRL! No matter what, I’m graduating in 60 days. That’s a horrible thing for me to know because… well. For example. I could NOT study for my Survey of Musical Theatre exam. (Roger doesn’t like blogs so I have a pretty  strong feeling he won’t read this.) But I could NOT study. I was like.. “Eh.. I’ll watch The Proposal by myself instead.” And I did. And then I got the test and I sat there reading the questions and I was like.. “Oh fuck… I don’t know ANY of this.” And then afterwards… I was just super proud of myself. I was like, “Damn, James.. you were SO CREATIVE! Good for you! Wow. I mean, those answers were not right but they were super interesting! Get it, Fat Balls!” Oh and also, I said, “Go ahead, Fat Balls!” to someone who doesn’t watch “30 Rock”. You can imagine the awkwardness I caused.

OH. So when I was researching my playwright today (Oh by the way, my directing project is a scene from The Little Dog Laughed by Douglas Carter Beane. It’s beautiful. You should read it. I’ve read it 4 times and I’m gonna read it again and again). But anyway, researching him and I found this quote, which I will use to conclude my blog. OOH. BUT FIRST! So you know how I love J. Lo? And how I love speaking Spanish? WELL! They released her new single.. IN SPANISH. My life just got gayer/spicier!

Here’s the quote:
“Try to breathe deeply; really to taste food when you eat and when you sleep really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might and when you laugh, laugh like hell.”
~William Saroyan

You know what, William? I fully intend on following that advice. Right now, in fact!

JAMES FIERCE.
Literally. Watch your step.

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Comments on: "198. Well There Goes My Porn Name!" (1)

  1. I am unbelievably happy to see you channeling your inner ferocity…although, secretly, you’ve already been doing it for months. Love you.

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