Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

Scott is proud and rightly so:
Take careful note to see how he’s WINNING.

It’s really as simple as that.

Also, I took a really awesome video of Meagan, but she forbade me from ever showing it to anyone. So that’s a tragedy in itself.

Details of my life:

I got super busy again. I still owe facebook messages. JILL. Sars. I know I promised. BAD JAMES. Ok. But I auditioned for American Idiot yesterday (Saturday). And though I’m a winner winning, I did not get a callback. But I was totally ok with it. I didn’t feel/don’t feel disappointed at all. I sang well so I know it’s not that. It’s another audition, another day. And another sign that says to me: “GO.TO.NEW.YORK.”

I got to see Edward, which was awesome. And I got to spend time with Caity, Katie, Alex and Creg. We all went out to lunch which was super fun. But when I was chilling with Edward and Caity, OH MY GOD, I laughed so hard I thought my throat was gonna explode. And do you want to know the classy topic that made me almost puke my guts up from laughter? NORBIT. I started laughing so hard remembering Norbit. It’s this really terrible Eddie Murphy movie. But Jesus, Edward and I used to laugh our batitties off over that movie. But then we talked about life, and they were both super helpful. And I realized something that I will now proceed to explain in vague, uneasy terms:

Winning. It has to come from a place of joy instead of a place of anger. Caity and Edward helped me reevaluate my life from a different perspective. You know how you have those things that are like, “God, that’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me” or “I’m super fucked up because of that”. Well. They helped me realize like, “Hey, why can’t that be the greatest thing that ever happened to me” or “I’m super blessed because of that”. Each “worst thing ever” is just a stepping stone in my life. It’s all stepping stones towards WINNING. And being grateful out of my gourd is WAAAY healthier then just being tense from anger. So now my winning is coming from a place of gratitude. Yes, there’s still a part of me that wishes ill will, and I hate it. But I’m being honest about it. And I’m letting go of that part of me. I’m not hateful; I’m grateful.

Without that/you/it… this blog wouldn’t exist. So thank GOD. I am so grateful. Because I have turned my entire self around, and I am so much happier. I am truly happy, because I know where my happiness comes from. And it’s not about changing emotion, it’s not about turning off one feeling and turning on another. It’s about changing perspective. It is a choice to be grateful rather than hateful. And I choose grateful.

So thank you for being a part of helping me be BOMB-ASS WINNING.

🙂 That was sincere. I am winning, and you don’t need to be not winning to make me happy. Because I am perfectly happy right here, right now.

“Pull me down hard and drown me in love.”
~”Come On Get Higher” by Matt Nathanson

“Love hurts, whether it’s right or wrong.”
~”What the Hell” by Avril Lavigne

“I’ma make you fall.”
~”Tonight” by Enrique Iglesias

James is WINNING.

Also here’s a list of Deirdre’s current favorite songs:
1) “Tonight” by Enrique
2) “Only Girl” by Rihanna
3) “Winning” by WINNING

OMG AND HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY, MOMMY! YOU’VE NEVER LOOKED BETTER! You’ve been a fabulous mommy to me for 4 years, and I can’t wait to take care of each other some more in NYC. I plan on finishing your sentences for a long time to come. Oh, and YOU’RE WINNING.

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