Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

227. My Steve Sweater

Today in Improv, Steve came in with a bunch of sweaters he was giving away cuz he didn’t want them anywhere. Clearly, I scrambled to get my own Steve sweater. And now I’m wearing it:
I’m STILL WEARING IT. I’m wearing this sweater to bed. Forever and ever. Of COURSE I want to own a Steve sweater. When I was grabbing this sweater, Steve was like, “Wait, are you sure that’s gonna fit you?” I said, “Um.. YES!” But I just grabbed it because I DON’T FUCKIN’ CARE IF IT FITS ME! I just want a Steve sweater. I’ve been wearing it all day. I’m a bit devastates that it doesn’t smell like him.

Am  I creepy or just awesome?

I have been promoting this TEDtalk all frickin’ day. I even sent it to Jeannie (my dance teacher), because she was the one who introduced me to the book The Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman. It changed me, and I felt like I owed her. So I sent her it. I’ve been telling people to watch it all day. Literally. WATCH. IT. It’s so helpful for people as performer-beings but also as human beings. Go. Watch it now. I’m serious.

Ok. Here’s my rejoicing: I FINALLY HAD A GOOD RUN OF “GO FORTH” TONIGHT!! Like, ok. I get positive feedback, but it doesn’t really matter until I believe it. Like, when you’re doing well and you get positive feedback, it doesn’t matter. All the same. So tonight, I FINALLY had a good run. And it’s because of that TEDtalk that I watched. I decided to be compassionate with myself tonight. I decided to stop worrying and thinking. I decided to love myself despite my imperfections and to be ok with exactly who I was tonight. Who I am. And it went well, because I stopped doubting myself. I wrote a few inspirational sentences in my notebook and read them repeatedly before the show started.

Tonight I had the courage to tell the story of myself with my whole heart. Thanks to that TEDtalk. You.Need.To.Watch.It.

Compassion needs to start with myself. I need to love me as much as I love you. Patience Patience Patience.

If my sisters read this blog: you should come see my show. It’s for you.

Vulnerability is being the one to propose.

Vulnerability is willingness to be myself and nothing more.

Vulnerability is saying, “I need you”.

I need you.

“Truth of the matter is I’m complicated.”
~”The Other Side” by Bruno Mars (Feat. Cee Lo Green & B.o.B.)

JAMES

James
Vulnerability is simplicity.

Winning is being vulnerable. I feel the most winning when I admit I’m imperfect and that I don’t have my shit together. But I know I’m imperfect, and I love myself anyway. THAT is Winning.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: