Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

229. The Awakening

I saw this on the 3rd floor of the NFAC today. It was on a professor’s door to their office:
Agreed. A million times agreed. We’re all connected. We’re all a part of the same story; we’re all a part of each others’ story.

Tonight was a good show. I decided to trust myself. It went better. Yes, I fucked up more than once. But it was still a good show. And what I need to focus on is NOT thinking. Being. Not thinking. Thinking is not living. Thinking is analyzing. Living is doing. Do. Be. Don’t hesitate. Trust yourself to not forget the lines. Trust yourself to have feelings.

I got a lot of positive feedback about the show. But it doesn’t matter as much when I already feel good about the show. And that’s the way it should be; I should know that I did my best on the stage without anyone telling me that.

I guess I should just not think in my life. “A little less thinking, a little more feeling…”

My family saw the show tonight. 🙂 And a lot of my friends did, too. And my home friends are coming tomorrow. EEK. YAY. CAN’T WAIT.

Possible plans for this summer: a month in South/Central America. Thoughts? Takers?

Here’s the awakening: realizing that everything I am is enough. And I don’t need to be anyone but me. It’s much simpler than I thought. Be me. That’s it. That’s all you have to do, James. Just be you. How reassuring.

Today in Improv, I was a complete idiot and it paid off. I lost my inhibitions. I gave myself permission to be a total cray-cray bean. And it felt good to be me, unbridled me.

I have more joy in me that I give myself credit for. I have an abundance of joy within me. Move the obstacles and let it flow. And it’s really important (for myself) to remember that the joy exists in those moments of total sadness, it exists in the hope/certainty that it will all be beautiful again. And even in those moments, life is beautiful. But I need the patience to see it all.

I want someone to sing this song to me: “Baby” by Rufus Wainwright.

This one was shown to me by Kelley:
“A compass needle is made of steel but trembles before it settles on its course.”
~Zoo Story by Edward Albee

Fear is only natural. Embrace it as a natural part of life, as natural as breathing. But then go full force towards your goal, never looking back.

Have an awakening. Wake up. You’re enough. You don’t need to be thinner/smarter/funnier/taller/better. You’re enough. I’m enough. I’m satisfied with exactly who I am now. And it’s because I’ve given myself permission to love who I am, here and now.

Tell the story of yourself with your whole heart.

Wholeheartedness.

Watch that TEDTalk. I’m f*ckin serious.

JAMES the Wholehearted.

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