Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

Surprise, I have something to say! And I’ll try to keep it simple.

Don’t give up. You can’t give up. Happiness is hard to find… if you don’t know where to look. But all you have to do is look right in front of you. For example. Water. It takes amazing. It’s so refreshing when you’re fuckin’ thirsty. It feels AMAZING to take a hot shower and to cough cuz you choke on the steam. Or just standing there and letting the water run through your hair. And that feeling after the shower when you feel like you wiped away yesterday and you get a fresh start.

Happiness is everywhere. And if you accept that anything can make you happy… that’s just.. awesome.

Happiness is hope. Listening to those love songs and just waiting for your turn. I have a list of songs that I refuse to give away to boyfriends. I just won’t. Because if I give away those songs and then it ends, I’ll ALWAYS think of that person when I hear these songs that used to be my favorites. So. I have a list of songs that are mine, and I won’t give them away until I know I’m with the person I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with. And ya know what, I don’t have that right now. But until, I’ll keep singing my love songs with all the hope in my heart.

All I have is love.

If you feel unhappy, come to me. I’ll give you at least 10 reasons to be happy. Here are some.

1) You are alive. The fact that you can feel pain is an amazing thing cuz someday, you’ll feel the extreme opposite.
2) You have people who love you. Like your family. Or someone you don’t even know loves you. And they think you’re the shit!
3) Water is free! How amazing is that. As long as you get it from a public water fountain, or like… take a shower at the Cardio Center. FREE WATER!
4) Spring is coming! How awesome is that?!?! Soon, you’ll be able to sleep with your window open and feel the warm summer breeze on your face.
5) School’s almost done! Even if you don’t want to go home, at least you won’t have any homework to do! And in the summer, you can sleep in! And get a sun tan!!
6) You have everything inside of you that you need. You have the power to make yourself happy. You have the power to be exactly who you want to be. You want to be one of those carefree people who laughs at everything? Then do it! Next time you fall down and skin your knee, laugh at how you must have looked when you went sailing through the air. Or smile because it’s just a skinned knee; at least you didn’t break any bones.
7) Nature is so beautiful. Look at the pretty sky. I think tomorrow is supposed to be a high of 62. So if the clouds are gone, just look up at the vast blue sky. Soon the grass will be green and you’ll be able to lie on it! Feel the breeze of the wind on your face as it reminds you to chill the fuck out, bitch.
8) I want you to be happy. I care about you. Whoever you are, I care about you. I want you to be happy.
9) Look at everything you’ve been through. Remember when you thought, ‘I don’t know if I’m gonna make it through this.” Well, if you’re reading this, THEN YOU MADE IT!
10) Being wrong feels good. Because you get surprised and your life takes you somewhere new. Somewhere you never could have guessed. And like.. being wrong is like the ULTIMATE terrible thing. But thank God you were wrong. Cuz now you’re you and I’m me.
11) I just came up with 10 reasons for you to be happy right now.

Choose happy. I promise you won’t regret it.

I love you, Jillian.
But I mean, I love You all. So don’t get jealous.

Just ask me and I’ll tell you why I love you. Don’t be shy. I’m not afraid to tell you exactly why I love you. Go for it.

“And I don’t wanna hear you tell yourself that these feelings are in the past. You know it doesn’t mean they’re off the shelf. Because pain is built to last. Everybody sails alone. Oh, but we can travel side by side. Even if you fail, you know that no one really minds. Come over here lady. Let me wipe your tears away. Come a little nearer baby. Cuz you’ll heal over, heal over, heal over someday. Don’t hold on, but don’t let go. I know it’s so hard. You’ve got to try to trust yourself. I know it’s so hard, so hard.”
~”Heal Over” by KT Tunstall

JAMES LOVES YOU.

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