Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

So, after the blog I posted last night about being lost, I got some nice feedback. But I got something today that couldn’t have had better timing:
This is a letter from my friend. I asked for help last night, and I got it today in the mail. This letter is super simple. It was kind and.. simple. Inspiring. She told me what my blog meant to her and she had some kind words about my future. This type of kindness can never be overdone. Because this next part of my life could potentially be super terrifying. I’m expected to go out into the real world and incorporate all the lessons I have learned for the past 21 years until now. It’s like… you have this guide, this plan.. until now. Then you’re catapulted into the real world where you flail and flounder til you look like you know what you’re doing. Then you can be like, “Yeah, I got my shit together,” while you’re secretly STILL pissing your pants. Surprise, I digress!

Here’s what it boils down to: knowing that I mean something to someone is enough. Knowing that I have somehow made an impact on someone’s life is enough. Knowing that someone’s life would be undoubtedly different without my presence, that means something to me. And that’s enough for me. Knowing that people love me. Knowing that I matter is enough. And you know, I’m sure all day every day my friends are always showing me that I matter. But sometimes, it just takes something different to make it all click… like a letter. (I’m not saying who you are because I figure you can do that if you so desire. You can tag yourself in the Facebook picture to if you wish.)

Pep talks at this point in my life are invaluable.

In the letter, she talks about us having fun together even though we don’t really do much. And ya know, I really don’t need money to have a good time. I just a place to sit and a friend to talk to. I could do that every day for the rest of my life, and I would be satisfied.

It is an amazing feel to know you matter. And the thing is, when you’re not dating someone, it’s a bit easier to forget that you matter. With a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, that person’s job is to tell you that you matter. That person is a constant reminder that you are awesome, and they probably tell you constantly how much they mean to you and how much they need you and how much they love you and how you have impacted their life. You would probably hear that daily. Now, I am not in that situation. I’m not complaining, I honestly love where I am. I’m not lying. I loved being in love, and I definitely see it in my future. But not now. But anyway. I don’t have that constant reminder of how super bomb-ass I am. I kinda have to be my own boyfriend. So it’s easy to forget. Anyway, these reminders are nice. “Nice”. They’re… uplifting. They inspire me to keep going. It’s like someone lighting a fire under my ass to not give up. And give up I shan’t.

“You can hide from all the pain but it will find you anyway. Yes, I know. Now I know that I can’t keep on running. No, I just can’t keep on running away from here. I know that the only way to beat it is to fight my every fear. I know I’m not gonna make it til I turn around and face it alone. I know that I can’t keep running. No, I just can’t keep running away so it stops today.”
~”It Stops Today” by Colbie Caillat

JAMES (matters)

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