Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

252. Ham

Last night for some reason… I was obsessed with ham. I’m already a little bit obsessed with ham. I eat it by itself all the time. I don’t put it on sandwiches or anything, I just eat it plain. And last night, I had to keep reaching in the fridge for stuff but I had to reach past my ham. So I would do it reallllly “sexy”. Really sexy. And I would announce it, too, like, “Oh, I really want my water but I have to get it from behind my haaaaaaaaaaaaam.” And then I’d bend over and stick my ass out. But then, it started to become something completely… different. I would just pretend there was ham on the floor so I could have a reason to pick it up. I’d say things like, “Ooooooh, is that ham on the floor? I better pick it up and eat it.” And then I’d bend over. I think you get the picture. So, in dedication to my sloppy ham love:
Ham. Ham Ham Ham. Everything ham is winning.

Here are funny things that happened today:

We were researching agents all day because we’re going to audition for them next week. So we were researching Rachel Hoffman and for some reason, Meagan found something and she was like, “Well this can’t be right… this said she was born in Bethlehem. I’m looking for the other Rachel Hoffman, not the one who’s Jesus’ step-sister.” We riffed on that joke for.. oh, about 12 hours.

Then when we were researching Rachel Hoffman, Alex was like, “Oh, this says that Rachel Hoffman was murdered.” And I said, “Oh no, it’s not that one.” And I said it in all seriousness. Like… OF COURSE it’s not that one. So. Meagan and I riffed on that joke for another 12 hours as well.

So Meagan’s wrist is broken so when she uses her ailed arm (her right arm), she has to raise it a bit higher since she can’t bend her wrist. So her elbow is frequently super high in the air. So apparently her mom and her sister said that she looks like an ape when she tries to spread peanut butter on her toast. So we spent a lot of the day talking in this weird, gorilla, caveman voice.

Meagan was talking about how she’s really excited for her wrist to be all healed and to not need her cast anymore. And Katie said, “There will be many a fisting.”

Tyler said once that you should write things down if you want to remember them. Cuz otherwise, you WILL forget. If you don’t write it down, you’ll forget. It’s true. So whenever there’s something I really want to remember, I write it down.

Having a positive attitude is a great idea. I’m so glad I was taught to be optimistic and to have a positive mental attitude. Cuz it makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE in my life. Choose to look on the bright side. Plus, if you’re always pessimistic, people won’t want to be around you. I’m just gonna throw that out there. If you just keep sucking all the love out of the atmosphere… that’s not winning. Being happy affects the people around you just as much as being negative. So. Positivity is winning. And yeah, it’s hard at first to look at the bright side. But you get used to it and then it becomes second nature. Just like now, how being negative comes second nature. Positivity can be the same way. Like when I hit my head really hard on the dance locker, I was in a fuckload of pain but I was just REALLY grateful that I wasn’t bleeding all over my clothes.

So. The answer is WINNING.

Ham is winning.

Apple juice is winning.

My heart is an idiot, too.

“You can’t stop my happiness, cuz I like the way I am.”
~”You Can’t Stop The Beat” from Hairspray

James is Loving.

JAMES.

(Here’s the thing, James: you know how sometimes in musical theatre there’s just a dance break for the fuck of it? You know, sometimes a musical breaks into a dance break? And it’s ok, cuz it’s super fun and it makes people happy. It doesn’t need to be this super emotionally deep and complex entity. It can just be what it is: fun.  And it’s just as important as the theatre that just rips your heart out. Cuz all the emotions on the spectrum are equally important. So just because this blog didn’t reveal something earth-shattering and life-changing, it’s still important because you talked about enjoying life. And you had a good day. And why can’t that just be good enough?)

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