Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

I received a letter in the mail today:
Thanks, :).

And it had this note in it:
A really good note doesn’t need to be any longer than that. 🙂

I get to sleep in tomorrow. So THAT’S pretty winning.

Here are the countdowns:
Emma comes home: 21 days
Drop Dead Diva: 21 days
True Blood: 28 days
Weeds: 29 days
MY BIRTHDAY: 40 DAYS

I think it’s pretty clear what I’m looking forward to. In high school, I used to count down when I had 80 days left. What can I say, I really fuckin’ love birthdays. Especially my own.

Thanks to the Dahlsies to suggesting Eddie Izzard. I really love him. He’s super funny.

It’s not an excruciating pain. So that’s nice. It’s just like… a gentle throb, that wanting-to-be-in-love feeling. It’s so silly. It’s like… when you stub your toe and it throbs for a while. It’s not super painful but you can definitely feel it. But. I’m meditating now. Trying to become more comfortable/able to sit with my feelings.

“YOU taught me that, how to relentlessly give my whole heart despite the potential for pain.”

Thank you. I guess that’s what I need to keep doing. But for me, it’s still just a friends thing. I have to have to have to have to have to be patient. More meditation, methinks.

Oh and let me say something I was talking to Caity about the other day. Ok. So. When I started this blog, I knew where my journey would take me; I was at rock-bottom and I knew I would eventually reach a place where I could function normally again. I knew I’d reach a point where I’d feel awesome and ready to date and I’d be able to sleep and eat and do anything without crying. And tada, here I am! Winning more than ever! But I guess what baffles me is… I don’t know where my journey is taking me next. I still have 99 days of purposefully finding happiness every day. And I don’t know what comes next. I don’t know where my next high point is. I don’t know what it’ll feel like. Because I know my next high point isn’t going to be dating. So. What then? I don’t know. I don’t know. But. Ya know. I guess I just gotta relinquish control and enjoy the ride. My powers of foresight are terrible, but my powers of hindsight are STELLAR. So. I guess the next part is about patience. So. Meditation. For the next 99 days. So much for relinquishing control? Maybe meditation will help with that. I’ll keep you posted. Literally, I’ll be back tomorrow. 🙂

“I just wanna be myself, and I want you to love me for who I am. I just wanna be myself, and I want you to know: I AM MY HAIR.”
~”Hair” by Lady Gaga

“I can be good if you just wanna be bad. I can be cool if you just wanna be mad. I can be anything. I’ll be your everything. Just touch me baby, I don’t wanna be sad.”
~”Government Hooker” by Lady  Gaga

I know my truth, and I’m comfortably admitting that I yearn.

Love (Fearlessly and Relentlessly),
JAMES.
(only 99 pictures til the end of Project Happiness 365)

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Comments on: "266. Winning Is My Middle Name" (1)

  1. Cuntface said:

    Britney and Nicki in 41 days!

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