Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

I’m gonna make this quick cuz I’m tired as a B-hole and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.

This never gets old:
 A letter from Jill. Addressed to me. Obviously, she used my full name. God it never gets old to me. Never ever will it ever get old.

So let me tell you about my day tomorrow:
9 am: Dress rehearsal for dance recital
11:30 am: Work at The Lube
1:45/2:00: Dance at recital
3:00: Work more at The Lube
Afterwork: Dance my tatties off at Plan B

Obviously I have a busy day planned. Obviously I abuse the word obviously, in all its forms. But I’m REALLY excited to perform “Judas”. It’s the first ever tap solo I have ever choreographed all on my own. And my mom was talking about videotaping it and.. she totally can. It’s my choreography. The only problem with copyright is, ya know, if Gaga gets pissed at me for dancing to her song (which is clearly HIGHLY unlikely). Speaking of Gaga, I recently watched her interview with Anderson Cooper. And if you don’t like Gaga or you don’t get her, you should watch her. Cuz you’ll see exactly why I like her. She talks about how she stands for all the people who feel like they don’t belong in society, people who feel displaced or outcast. All the people on the fringe. And in the interview, there’s this girl crying as she talks about how much Gaga means to her. And I’m almost as passionate about Gaga. Show me one celebrity as popular as her that stands up equally for the LGTBQ community. Her song “Hair” makes me feel so good. “I am my hair”. “I’ve had enough, this is my prayer: that I’ll die living as free as my hair. I’ve had enough; I’m not a freak…. I’m as free as my hair.” My hair means a lot to me. I can redefine myself every day with my hair. My hair is literally a fresh start every single day. Lady Gaga means a lot to me. So. I guess I’m paying her homage by tap dancing to “Judas” tomorrow. I hope she likes it!

On a side note: I’m starting to really get to know the people at the Lube. And they’re super awesome. So. That’s pretty exciting. It’s really hard breaking into a new community where everyone’s relationships are already established. I learned that when I moved. But it’s nice to be finding my niche in the community.

Lastly. Ok. Just gonna state something and you can think what you want. I had two tables tonight with queer people (LGTQ). Ok. So. Appropriate tipping is like… 18%. Both queer tables tipped me…. 40%. Forty. Forty. Is it because I’m gay? Is it because we stick together and watch each other’s backs? Is it because I’m winning? Is it because it’s hard to make tips from straight dudes cuz I know not a god-damned thing about sports? I don’t know. Or are queer people just kind? Or am I over-generalizing. I dunno. Just something to think about. For me and for you. Think about it.

“And death is at your doorstep. And it will steal your innocence. But it will not steal your substance. But you are not alone in this. And you are not alone in this.”
~”Timshel” by Mumford and Sons

I’m not alone.

JAMES.

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