Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

315. Enjoy It

This was kind of perfect.

So I worked a double for the second day in a row. I’m not complaining. I made good money, and that’s what I intend to do. But nevertheless, it was an unavoidably long day. So I came home and I really wanted to do the puzzles in the paper. So I sat down. I tried to do the crossword, but I didn’t get very far. At all. And then I tried the Word Jumble, which I’m usually really good at. I could only get two words. (The ones I couldn’t unscramble: PONIA, MCITOM) So then I tried the Cryptoquote, which I’ve ALWAYS loved. And I got this:

“Most people have never learned that one of the main aims in life is to enjoy it. — Samuel Butler”

I actually don’t know if his last name is “Butler”. He very well could be named “Samuel Cutler”. But I didn’t wanna cheat and “Butler” sounded better.

Here’s what makes me happy about this situation:
1) I solved a puzzle!
2) The honesty of the quote
3) I can write in capital and lower-case letters because I don’t give a shit
4) How wonderfully the situation worked out

I’ve been lost lately. Just looking for meaning. JAMES. There is meaning in having a good time. So. What do you really want to do? What sounds SUPER FUN? Figure it out and then. DO IT. You don’t need to be over-analyzing all the time. Don’t miss out on having a fuckin’ good time while you can. You’re young and nimble (most days). Go carpe diem, bitch!

There are those days where I do nothing but watch “Friends” on my computer, and then I get so mad at myself cuz I feel like a waste. James. Does watching Friends make you happy? Yes. Yes? Yes. Ok. Then it’s ok. Do it all you want.

Now. I get to do the MATH puzzle in the paper. YAY. I fuckin’ LOVE math. I love numbers. I love words. Obvi. I like to bend my words a lot to make multiple meanings, if you haven’t noticed. I think that sometimes English can be a beautifully cryptic language in ways that other languages can’t. But then I realize I sometimes think the same thing about Spanish.

I’m gonna do a puzzle at 1:16 in the morning cuz it makes me happy, damnit. And that’s enough for me.

I’m still fighting for the validity of one person living their life without an Other.

I did what I wanted today. And fuck, it felt good.

Also. I fell asleep on a bench in public. I was reading a book outside in Greenway Station. After eating my apple, I decided it was time to doze off. So I tangled my arm up in my backpack, leaned forward and proceeded to PASS THE F OUT. Well. I woke up in time to overhear a father explaining to his child what had apparently happened to me: “Well. He was eating his apple and then he got tired so he fell asleep.”

Yes. Yes, I did.

“I don’t know much about fighting, but I, I know I will fight for you.”
~”1+1″ by Beyoncé

I think this irony… but I’m not sure. I’ll have to ask Alanis and then get back to you.

LOVE.

(I know it doesn’t look like it but I did what I had to do. Cuz I love me and I don’t wanna be in pain anymore.)

I’m doing my best.

JAMES.

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Comments on: "315. Enjoy It" (1)

  1. 1. Piano 2. Commit I believe!!! James…you truly amaze me every day i see you. you’ll find your way, and i can’t wait to see where that exactly takes you!!!!

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