Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

I ran errands today! Here’s what I did:
Went to the Apple Store
Went to H&M to see if there was anything worthy of my gift card (there wasn’t)
Went to Express and found some WINNING sales:

 The color of the shirt? Not accurate. The look on my face? Totally accurate. The price of the shirt? 18 dollars. So yeah. I bought it. Usually these shirts are $60. So. I bought three. And if I hate them, I can return them. And I don’t particularly like this picture for any… um.. aesthetic reasons. But. SHIRTS ON SALE. Well. SALES IN GENERAL. This is called how Baby Do Budget. OO! A title! I was unsure of a title until now. Winners winning naming blogs.

LOVE SALES.

Also. I have a super funny story that I keep forgetting to tell. Ok. Here goes. So. The other night, I worked at Quaker Steak and Lube. Big surprise, right? Well afterwards, I went clubbing. And I had cologne in my bag but I was lazy and I thought, ‘Eh, who gives a beavehole? I’m not looking for a man, might as well not waste some precious cologne.’ So I didn’t put any on. THEN. I get into Plan B and I see someone I sorta know. So we hug and he says he’ll buy me a drink. Um. Ok. Sidetrack. Um, winning?! Dude buying me a drink just because. It wasn’t my birthday or anything. And we aren’t super close by any means. So. That made me feel pretty VIP. Anyway, so we’re at the bar and he’s buying me a drank (eek!). And we’re standing pretty close, and I said, “Hey, you smell really good!” He said, “Thanks” and then he leaned in to sniff me. I cringed. But then he said, “You smell like…. Taco Bell.”

That was the moment I committed suicide on the dance floor.

Lesson of the night? Put some fucking cologne on or people will want to eat you, not fuck you. Damnit. Devastation station. Eh. But I had a good laugh about it. And then Ken on the dance floor said, “Hey…do you guys smell hot wings?” He was joking but I proceeded to commit su once again. TOTES JOKES. But really though, I smelt like Taco Bell. Winners winning resembling tacos? Oy.

Also. Today I stopped by Katie’s house on my way home from Madison cuz she wanted me to look at her hair. And we ended up sitting on her floor and talking for like, an hour. And it was super awesome. Made me realize how much I miss her. And I know she’s reading this. So. I miss you, and I really enjoyed myself today. Sitting on the floor talking is NOT to be overlooked.

I was gonna go see HP by myself. But now my lil sissie Emma said she’d go with me. So. That’s pretty cool! ALSO. T’he movie starts before 11 so that means it’s $5. UM. WINNERS WINNING SAVING MONEY. Totes excited! And also, I’m just really excited to spend time with my little sister. We tend to butt heads a lot in person, because we both have opinions. But I really like her, and I get secretly super excited when people say we look alike cuz she’s like mega gorgeous.

(Sidenote: you know you’re in too deep when…. someone insults your family and you let it slide. That means…. TIME TO EXIT STAGE LEFT FROM RELATIONSHIP. I was there. And now I look back and think… ‘Oh silly James.’)

I have my blood test tomorrow to explain whys my platelets are always low. God I hope they awkwardly ask me about my sex life again. “How many sexual partners?” “Homosexuals or heterosexuals?”

…Well gosh I hope he was a homosexual… he sure acted like one. Oh, well ok. One of them was a homosexual and one of them was a chair. So. Whatever sexuality a chair is.. then. One homosexual and one curious chair.

Also. Today at Express, while I was in the changing room trying to decide if I liked the shirts, the woman checked on me like 5 TIMES! “Everything fit ok?” “How’s everything?” “Everything still OK?”

…no, I died since the last time you checked on me 30 seconds ago. I started consuming the shirt I was trying on, I choked and died.

Someone today told them they wanted to be positive like me. Well. 🙂 That makes me happy, that someone associates positivity with me. Oh, then she asked me if my Project Happiness has helped me at all. Um. Yeah. Sure. A little bit. Maybe a smidgeon.

This is how baby do sarcasm.

I like waiting tables.

I still have bedtime anxiety. I found the best solution is being patient with myself. And talking to myself when I lie down: “It’s ok, James. Everything’s ok. Breathe. Think about happy things. Like, ice cream. Man bags. New York. Giggles. Winning. I love you. It’s ok.” It helps. And no one thinks I’m insane. Well, I don’t think I’m insane. And that’s enough.

I’m just doing my best.

“So I stumble home at night, like I’ve stumbled through my life, with ghosts and visions in my sight. We are always living in twilight.”
~”Living In Twilight” by The Weepies

Love.

JAMES.

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Comments on: "317. This Is How Baby Do Budget" (1)

  1. HI! When are we going to hang out? COME TO HOT YOGA WITH ME! Or not, if you’re still sicky-james (boo). Re: that lady in express checking on you all the time, you should search for Ellen Degeneres’ stand up about that very subject. It’s super funny and involves the phrase “My bra’s in my ass!”. Also, at beddytime, I usually read until I fall asleep and drool in my libary books (or comics. I have super nerd powers). It’s very relaxing.

    LOVE YOU!

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