Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

I had a super fun time after rehearsal at TGIFriday’s with some Chicago people. But of course, I had so much fun that I forgot to take a picture! BUT. No worries! I came home and saw this:

My mommy has printed my music for my benefit! SO. This is happening! I know have all my music printed. So. ONWARD WITH HELP-JAMES-FOLLOW-HIS-DREAMS BENEFIT!

When I finally complete a crossword puzzle all on my ownsome, I’m TOTES gonna photograph it. Cuz I have never completed a newspaper crossword all on my ownsies. So. When that happens. Mark my words.

Today was a cool day to be alive. I mean, every day, of course, is a cool day to be alive. But today, I remembered what I really love about life:

love.

Sleeping in tomorrow. SOUNDS.DIVINE. And right now, I’m NOT picking at my arms! There’s those little baby pimples caused by my keratosis pilaris but I am choosing NOT to pick at them. So. GO.ME.

Every day someone’s heart breaks. It’s such an old story, but it’s told in so many different ways.

Hearts are made of glass. They’re fragile. And they’re not gonna stay in tact forever. So. You break it. That’s ok. There’s a lot of pieces to put back together. And it takes a lot of time, a lot of patience and a lot of fuckin’ glue to reassemble. But, unlike glass, the newly reassembled heart, while weathered, is much better and more perfect than the heart before. It’s not smarter. It’s not dumber. It’s just different. But no one’s gonna put it back together for you.

Heartbreak is as natural as death. They’re so similar, and neither should be regarded as out of the ordinary. It happens to everyone.

“There is only I want, I want, I want. I don’t know what I hunger for. I don’t know why I feel the hunger more and more with every passing day. I don’t know from where the hunger springs but that it’s there and that it sings of someplace far away. So get me up, and get me out, and let me never return to the darkness, and to the hollow, and to the burn. I want out of this hunger. Take me up to a higher altitude. Take me all the way. I’m out of here. I am going there. I’m gone. Oh, get me up like Icarus, and give me wings like Pegasus. Just get me out and get me high.”
~”Saturn Returns” from Myths and Hymns (music by Adam Guettel)

LOVE

JAMES.

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