Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

(Just for starters, this title is courtesy of Britta Schlict: this is a phrase she uses often)

So. I had a rough end to the night. That’s cool. Felt like a bit of a failure. Ok. Typs (typical, also from Britta). So. On my drive home, I said to myself:

“Ok. So. I’m upset. What am I gonna do about it? Talk about things I’m grateful for. I’m grateful to be alive. Cuz I could be dead, but I’m not.”

I said that aloud to myself in my car. And then I cried a bit. But I was still in a bit of a funk.

Then I started thinking about a conversation I had with Stephanie Genito earlier. I don’t know how we got on the subject but we started talking about how if she were a gay man, we would be the perfect couple. And I started thinking about it again. And I was like, ‘Wow. We, like, would DEFINITELY be together. We get along that well. And I figured something out about our relationship:

So we were like Instafriends. Typical. And people were like, “Oh, you’re having a Showmance.” But I honestly think it’s more than that. In one of our first conversations, we made an unspoken agreement to give it all away. We don’t have time to hold back. And I think that’s why my relationships move so quickly; I’m always on a time constraint. But anyway, we silently decided to just be us. And I think that’s what it takes to make a relationship really work. You both have to give it away. Cuz if one person holds back, that’s not a relationship; that’s one-sided. You can’t hold back with love. You can’t be timid and scared with love. And I also think that is why we are already so close; I gave her my love and she gave me hers. Relationships stop working when one or both people stop giving away their love. If you hoard it, then you’re starving the other person and you’re not replenishing the love that they’re shelling out.

We give it away.

And then I read a nice text message from Teague. 🙂

And then I read a nice text message from Stacy. 🙂

And then I realized… while I was pouring myself a bowl of cereal, I was whispering to myself in a British accent, so no one would hear me. Then I started laughing. Then I realized: I LOVE being weird as F. And then I started taking pictures of myself being a freak. Here’s the winner:

I just couldn’t stop laughing at how heinously I contorted my face. I was looking through these pictures of me making butt ugly faces (that I had just taken), and I couldn’t stop laughing. Here are the runner-ups:

I just want you to know that WordPress suggested I title this picture “Mona Lisa”. Yeah, I think that’s about right. But a second best title would be: Old Man. Here’s another:

I call this one: Fish That Just Got Poked In The Eyeball.

I rejoice in my weirdness.

I am still laughing.

Is it vain to take ugly pictures of yourself?

Who knows, but holy F is it funny!!!

“You can like the life you’re livin’. You can live the life you like.”
~”Nowadays” from Chicago (Kander and Ebb)

LOVE.

JAMES.

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