Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

I used to hate the nighttime. 333 days ago, I hated the night. Cuz I couldn’t sleep. I hated my bed. I hated my room. I hated sleeping in a queen-sized bed by myself. But 333 days later, I realize that a queen-sized bed isn’t made for two people; it was made for my fuckin’ queen-sized personality.

This is my room at night.

I can now go to sleep without feeling like I’m missing something. I was missing something: me.

I can now assuage my bed-time anxiety. Instead of groveling over the presence of this new-found anxiety, I have learned to live with it. I watch some “Friends” before bed. I calm myself down. If I start freaking out in my bed, I talk out loud to myself and tell myself, “I love you. It’s OK.” Or I pray to Love for peace of mind. Or I start dreaming. 🙂 (I’m a dreamer, born and bred, til the day I die.)

I’m not afraid of the dark. Not anymore.

“I’m gonna marry the dark. Gonna make love to the stark. I’m a soldier to my own emptiness. I am a winner. I’m gonna marry the night.”
~”Marry The Night” by Lady Gaga




Comments on: "333. I’m Not Afraid Of The Dark" (1)

  1. LOVE you! You’re such a winner!

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