My nieces are spending a couple of nights here. I got home from work and Emma told me to be quiet cuz Ava was sleeping with the door open. I walked by to check on Ava. She was lying on her back, but then she readjusted to a more comfortable position:
Yes, she is sleeping face-down. Not just on her stomach, but with her FACE in the blanket. I sleep like that. I like to wear sweatpants and a hoodie. I like to sleep on my stomach and I hold a pillow to my core. And I put a hood over my head so just my nose is peeking out. And then I put a blanket over my head. I am an impenetrable fortress when I sleep.
Today a good friend of mine was talking about how sweet this guy was being to her. He was just doing these absolute precious stuff. Like, real romancies. Including PDA. And I just kept making these puking and gagging sounds. And then I retracted my rudeness and said, “I mean, that freaks the shit outta me, but maybe that’s what you want.”
Terrified. So scared. When I think about being in love, I want to do like Ava in this picture: put on as many layers of clothes as possible and lie face down in a bed. Cuz if you can’t see Love, then Love can’t see you, right?
I think the next phase of my life will be entitled: Scared Shitless And Still Shitting.
“Best. You’ve got to be the best. You’ve got to change the world and use this chance to be heard. Your time is now.”
~”Butterflies and Hurricanes” by Muse
Right now, the thought of a relationship is the scariest thing to me. Scarier than anything. Scarier than spiders or snakes or hurricanes or tornado.
I don’t wanna be an idiot again.