Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

347. Why.

I really don’t know what to say about this…. but this was a sticker in the machine at Perkins:image

Um. What. Why. Why. All I can think when I see this is… Why. And it’s in all caps so it’s like yelling at me: “STOP FARTHING!” Well, that was a typo but I can’t stop laughing about it so I’m funna keep it. Cuz playas gon’ play and hatas gon’ hate.

I need to learn how to type in ebonics.

I had Perkins’ tonight with Amanda. It was nice. But lately I’ve been gettin’ the hunger again. Boy hungry. But it’s worse. Cuz boy hungry passes like all stupid, rude cravings. Now I crave Boy Love. Oh no.

Nothing scares me more.

Well. The solution? Ok. More hairspray. Big white boots. Smize. Woufit (winning outfit). And keep on keepin’ on. First thing’s first:

Benefit. Saturday. 2 pm. Waunakee High School. Small auditorium. Be there or be square-ish.

OOf. Hunger pains. Go away, please. No tengo ni tiempo ni lugar para ti. Vete, por favor.

Pertenezco a alguien, pero no sé quien. No debo ser solo. Yo lo sé y también sé mi corazon. Hasta que…

I could listen to “Breakable” by Ingrid Michaelson every day. Whenever I have a rough day, I think, “We are so fragile. And our cracking bones make noise. And we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.”

When people are rude to me for no reason: “Breakable”.

When I get mad at an ex.

When I judge someone for hurting too long or being “pathetic”.

Oy.

“What if I’m not what you think I am? What if I fall further than you? What if you dream of somebody new?”
~”Giving Up” by Ingrid Michaelson

It’s been a real pensive kind of day. I can’t help but want more. I sort of hope it passes, and I sort of hope it doesn’t.

God, please don’t let me be an idiot.

LOVE (tentatively)

JAMES.

(I am so much more than I think I am.)

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