Starting on Monday, September 6, 2010 (at 4:00 in the morning, so technically Sunday, September 5), I started taking a picture of something that made me happy every day. My Project Happiness 365 started as a proactive act on my part to ward off deep depression. It was spurred by heartbreak as an effort to pull myself out of the wreckage, but now it's fueled by gratitude and a desire to find the beauty in everyday, "mundane" life. This is my honest, vulnerable journey from Hot Mess to Winning. I hope this helps. Oh, and if you're in pain, good; that means you put your whole heart into something. And if you think it won't ever get better, I promise it will. Here's my proof.

354. Reach, Bitch

I first need to show you the runner-up picture for yesterday:

We went to the movie theater, and Kelley was hungry. So. Naturally, she bought a giant pickle. I proceeded to laugh, because.. they sell giant pickles as snacks at the movie theater? She thought it was funny that it was served in a cup. When I explained that I thought the whole situation of a giant pickle sold as a snack was ridonk, she told me that they sell them everywhere: Target, anywhere with concessions. So. I thought that was funny. And while it was hard to choose, this picture won:

So, Kelley took me to this place called BJ’s. It’s a restaurant. So I went to the bathroom, and this picture was staring at me when I was at the urinal. I have many things to say:

1) Why? Whenever I stretch, I’m not like, “Hey, take a picture!! I’m touching my toes!!”.. but evidently, there are a lot of pictures of me stretching my battement. So.. hrm..
2) I CAN GO FURTHER! Not that I need to tear down some imaginary black-and-white lady to make myself feel better. Ya know what, I take that back. Too rude.
2) Why is she so happy? She makes stretching look SO.FUN. Maybe it’s a stretching advertisement promoting stretching.
3) I took a picture in the bathroom. I’m so glad I was alone in that bathroom. Cuz what kind of creep takes pictures in the bathroom? I really didn’t want someone to think I was photographing my privates. But after I thought of this situation, I LAUGHED IN THE BATHROOM. Again! Always laughs in the bathroom.
4) When I asked a certain someone-friend-of-mine why they would hang this picture in the bathroom, she said, “So you can think about sticking stuff in all of her orifices.” … I’m still laughing.

Oh. Also. Man I have a lot to say in a few minutes. I hung out with the cutest couple yesterday. They were just so fun to be around, and they were so flirty. And maybe they’re not like this all the time, but they still have those moments. So I asked Kelley how long they’ve been together and she said, “At least a year”. Well. Good. Then maybe people can stay in that honeymoon stage forever. Maybe people don’t have to take each other for granted and get boring. And I just haven’t found that yet.But it was really refreshing to see. They click so well. And I asked Kelley about it. And she said they don’t put a lot of pressure on the relationship to work out; they both have faith that what will be will be. They have faith that whatever will work out. Maybe that’s the secret? But for all the lovers/ex-lovers out there: have faith in love. Cuz it can work out. Just cuz it hasn’t doesn’t mean it won’t. Stay strong, and have faith, bitches. (I mean that in the friendly, endearing way… God, I hope my grandparents never find my blog.)

The couple: they just look like they have so much fun together. Always. I want that. I want fun. I don’t want life to get too serious and so dreary. I just want to smile with depth. Is that too much to ask?

I say no.

And so I venture onward.

“Fear plays a big part in everything I do. It’s difficult to describe specifically what one’s afraid of but I suppose, on some level, it’s the fear of the unknown. Of course, that’s also what makes it exciting.

When I’m working on a play, I have to go back to a childlike state of mind where everything is unknown and it seems thrilling, which is the opposite of how we’re trained to think as adults. During rehearsal, everything is open and up for interpretation, and so it’s like disappearing into the unknown each day.

That can be quite frightening but I enjoy turning fear into a positive…”

~Michael Grandage, theatre director

I refuse to stop being optimistic.

LOVE.

JAMES.

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